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Friday, December 21, 2012

Protection

Typically I am a very outgoing person and people would call me a "social butterfly" but the more and more I observe my own thoughts and interactions, I wonder how much of my personality or my interactions are calculated? I find myself wanting more and more to control my surroundings and my environment so I can protect myself. I am shielding myself from judgement, opinions, harsh words or just anything that is the opposition to me. Sometimes I crave to just be alone and be doing what I want, regardless of what others think. Of course, at times that is healthy for just mental wellbeing but at other times, I wonder how harmful that is to myself?

How much does that part of me, keep me from functioning in truth and in reality? I am sure most of us in the world would wish to have one day where everything went our way, where everyone communicated how we want, everyone thinks and feels the same as us, so on and so forth. But, I know in my heart that would be so boring. If that were true, we wouldn't ever feel satisfied. We wouldn't ever know what it felt like to find someone who emphasized or understood exactly how we felt. We would all feel the same. There would be no differences between people. No way to connect.

I guess I just wonder how to balance the two sides of myself. The side that wants to find connection and relationship with others. Wants to find the beauty in our differences. And the other side who just wants to be alone and not be exposed to the world and its negativity. I don't really know how to do that but I guess all I can do is take it day by day and do what feels right? As lame as that sounds, maybe that is the answer. Listen to my heart and see where it takes me.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Screenshot

I definitely like to believe this theory. And I really want to go to Napa. That is all.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Hello from the road.

I am on the road to LA and just passed a sign saying "Los Angeles 170 miles". About half way there. We are getting into the full swing of things here with cheer season.

The Friday and Saturday before Thanksgiving we were in LA for an event, drove overnight home to Modesto and then Sunday morning drove the 10.5 hours back home to Corvallis. We spent Monday and part of Tuesday that week in Portland catching up with some coworkers, friends and the city both Luke and I love. It felt so good being back in Portland but very bittersweet at the same time. I don't think either of us wanted to acknowledge how much we missed Portland because it would make our move to California seem even more real. Backwards. I know. The rest of Thanksgiving week was spent in Corvallis with our families. We played games, watched TV, christmas tree hunted, decorated for Christmas, went wine tasting, attended Civil War and ate lots and lots of food!! It was a much need time of rest and relaxation with our friends and family. So grateful for it too!

We drove home to Modesto the Monday following Thanksgiving and then that next weekend (last weekend) we were in Palm Springs. It was a crazy fun event and Luke's younger brother John worked it with us. Brings even more meaning to working for a family business!

This past week has been incredibly busy and stressful but we did at least get our Christmas tree up! Unfortunately... Half of the lights went out yesterday. :( not sure if we will just leave it that way or get new lights. Lol. Oh and Luke got our lovely new-to-us Audi stuck in the mud in the groves of the ranch on Monday. Took several hours to get out but luckily no major car damage or tree damage. Thank you again to Stef and Josh for helping us out!

So that brings us to now. On the road again to LA. Sign update: 151 miles. This post is taking me awhile on my phone! We again will have the pleasure to work with John this weekend. One event Saturday and another on Sunday. Long weekend but driving home on Monday and not overnight which I am very thankful for!

Then, once again... Another event in LA next weekend and then the following weekend home to Oregon for Christmas!!! I feel like Luke and I are living in a car and our scenery is always the road but hey! At least we are together!! :)





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