Friends

Today I am feeling lonely and a little bit full of self pity. Sad, I know. Luke is working about a 20 hour day in total so it is just me, my dog and my thoughts. Dangerous combo at times! 

This upcoming week marks a month since we moved from Portland, OR to Modesto, CA. It also marks a month of not having any familiar family and friends around (outside of Luke and Sam). Don't get me wrong, the family that we work with is amazing and so kind. It would feel like a whole new type of lonely if we didn't have them. But, I don't have a girlfriend to go get coffee with, to call and have come over to just hang out. Really, I don't have anyone like that here.

I feel as though I have had 4 lives and now I am on to my 5th. My childhood in Phoenix, AZ, adolescence in Houston, TX,  high school and college in Corvallis, OR and my first taste of adult life in Portland, OR. The difference with this new life is that I don't immediately have a path to follow. All the other moves had me going instantly into a social atmosphere. School or work. That is where I have always met my friends. And church too. I do have work here but its a very small and immediate family circle unlike my last job where I worked in an office of 200+ people. In school you have access to hundreds and hundreds of people that you are bound to find at least one or two good friends.

I am a social person that doesn't mind being alone a lot of times and being able to be selfish with my time but more than ever before, I want to not be alone. I want to have someone to hang out with. I want to have someone to go shopping with. I want to be able to tell someone close secrets and feelings. And my question is, how do I find that? I don't live in a neighborhood or apartment complex with close proximity to people. I live on a 28 acre ranch. A bit more secluded that I am use to. I desperately wish to have some kind of serendipitous moment at the grocery store, or the bank, or at the gas station where I will bump into someone and instantly strike up a conversation and then blink my eyes and now we are besties. ha! I sound so pathetic  today. 

The idea of moving here didn't really scare me or make me nervous. I had a strange peace about the entire decision. And I still do when it comes to the big picture of our lives. But, I think I might have been a bit naive about how different moving is as a child and moving is as an adult. Very different. A lot more difficult.

The only place I can think of to meet new people is by going to a church. Luke and I would like to find a new church and community but the biggest hindrance right now is that we are getting into cheer season. Cheer season means working most weekends for about 6 months. Working weekends = no weekend church services. I guess if there is a will, there is a way.

Lastly, I heard this saying a couple weeks ago that I am trying to have constantly present in my thoughts, actions and feelings:

"Bloom where you are planted."

Not only is finding new friends and a sense of community part of accepting where we are and what our current circumstances offer us but its about being able to find the sunshine where it falls so that our new lives can grow. I can only expect God to give us so many opportunities to grow before I have to make the conscious effort to then seek out the sunlight on my own.