Protection

Typically I am a very outgoing person and people would call me a "social butterfly" but the more and more I observe my own thoughts and interactions, I wonder how much of my personality or my interactions are calculated? I find myself wanting more and more to control my surroundings and my environment so I can protect myself. I am shielding myself from judgement, opinions, harsh words or just anything that is the opposition to me. Sometimes I crave to just be alone and be doing what I want, regardless of what others think. Of course, at times that is healthy for just mental wellbeing but at other times, I wonder how harmful that is to myself?

How much does that part of me, keep me from functioning in truth and in reality? I am sure most of us in the world would wish to have one day where everything went our way, where everyone communicated how we want, everyone thinks and feels the same as us, so on and so forth. But, I know in my heart that would be so boring. If that were true, we wouldn't ever feel satisfied. We wouldn't ever know what it felt like to find someone who emphasized or understood exactly how we felt. We would all feel the same. There would be no differences between people. No way to connect.

I guess I just wonder how to balance the two sides of myself. The side that wants to find connection and relationship with others. Wants to find the beauty in our differences. And the other side who just wants to be alone and not be exposed to the world and its negativity. I don't really know how to do that but I guess all I can do is take it day by day and do what feels right? As lame as that sounds, maybe that is the answer. Listen to my heart and see where it takes me.

Screenshot

I definitely like to believe this theory. And I really want to go to Napa. That is all.

Hello from the road.

I am on the road to LA and just passed a sign saying "Los Angeles 170 miles". About half way there. We are getting into the full swing of things here with cheer season.

The Friday and Saturday before Thanksgiving we were in LA for an event, drove overnight home to Modesto and then Sunday morning drove the 10.5 hours back home to Corvallis. We spent Monday and part of Tuesday that week in Portland catching up with some coworkers, friends and the city both Luke and I love. It felt so good being back in Portland but very bittersweet at the same time. I don't think either of us wanted to acknowledge how much we missed Portland because it would make our move to California seem even more real. Backwards. I know. The rest of Thanksgiving week was spent in Corvallis with our families. We played games, watched TV, christmas tree hunted, decorated for Christmas, went wine tasting, attended Civil War and ate lots and lots of food!! It was a much need time of rest and relaxation with our friends and family. So grateful for it too!

We drove home to Modesto the Monday following Thanksgiving and then that next weekend (last weekend) we were in Palm Springs. It was a crazy fun event and Luke's younger brother John worked it with us. Brings even more meaning to working for a family business!

This past week has been incredibly busy and stressful but we did at least get our Christmas tree up! Unfortunately... Half of the lights went out yesterday. :( not sure if we will just leave it that way or get new lights. Lol. Oh and Luke got our lovely new-to-us Audi stuck in the mud in the groves of the ranch on Monday. Took several hours to get out but luckily no major car damage or tree damage. Thank you again to Stef and Josh for helping us out!

So that brings us to now. On the road again to LA. Sign update: 151 miles. This post is taking me awhile on my phone! We again will have the pleasure to work with John this weekend. One event Saturday and another on Sunday. Long weekend but driving home on Monday and not overnight which I am very thankful for!

Then, once again... Another event in LA next weekend and then the following weekend home to Oregon for Christmas!!! I feel like Luke and I are living in a car and our scenery is always the road but hey! At least we are together!! :)





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Hello from the couch!

I have been sick now for over a week. Boo! Life doesn't stop though so I have just been working through it but I finally scheduled a doctors appointment for tomorrow. I need some meds to kick this cold in the butt!

We are still working on getting consistent Internet at the house and hopefully that will happen this week. It's been quite an ordeal. Once we do, I hope to post more often and do some life updates! Until then, I hope all is well with everyone and luke and I can't wait to be back in Oregon for a week starting next week! Yayay!!!!

The Kennel

This weekend is our first long cheer weekend. We will maybe be home for about 6 hours total between early Saturday morning and late late Sunday night. Due to our crazy schedule we have to board Sammie for the first time ever. We have always had the luxury of friends watching him for us and it really does give me more peace of mind then boarding him. But, alas, this is the new way. I am dropping him off in a couple hours and will pick him up Monday morning. Not going to lie, I am sad and I feel like a bad pet owner for some reason. :( I have to remember that he will be fine and will have lots of fun. I know some people probably think I'm crazy for talking about my dog like a child but it's true! He is my baby!

Being still

Sometimes I get too caught up in life. Cleaning, working, cooking, TV shows, shopping, chores. I wouldn't say it's all a burden... I do spend a good chunk of time on myself and being selfish. But at times I forget to just stop and be still. Be grateful. Be thankful. Just be.

I'm outside in the fall sun just sitting in a camping chair. Hanging with myself and the outdoors. And technology obviously haha! It feels so refreshing to not worry about what to wear... Hello if the below picture doesn't show you enough evidence here is what I am wearing:

Forest green socks. Black shiny flats. Jeans. My kitchen apron I'm too lazy to take off. And a white long sleeve shirt you can't see from the picture.

As I am writing this on my phone and breeze just stirred up. It's amazing how a light breeze can make me feel loved and that I am where I belong. That is how I feel today. It makes me feel alive. And grateful to a Creator that made such a beautiful Earth.

I know this post seems all over the place today. But, I'm okay with that. And I hope that whoever read this is too. :)

Guest Room

Hey everyone! Come visit! You can stay in this lovely room:

Okay! Thanks! See you soon! :)

P.S. We are definitely hoping to add some more storage and furniture into this room but for now, simple is good!

Friends

Today I am feeling lonely and a little bit full of self pity. Sad, I know. Luke is working about a 20 hour day in total so it is just me, my dog and my thoughts. Dangerous combo at times! 

This upcoming week marks a month since we moved from Portland, OR to Modesto, CA. It also marks a month of not having any familiar family and friends around (outside of Luke and Sam). Don't get me wrong, the family that we work with is amazing and so kind. It would feel like a whole new type of lonely if we didn't have them. But, I don't have a girlfriend to go get coffee with, to call and have come over to just hang out. Really, I don't have anyone like that here.

I feel as though I have had 4 lives and now I am on to my 5th. My childhood in Phoenix, AZ, adolescence in Houston, TX,  high school and college in Corvallis, OR and my first taste of adult life in Portland, OR. The difference with this new life is that I don't immediately have a path to follow. All the other moves had me going instantly into a social atmosphere. School or work. That is where I have always met my friends. And church too. I do have work here but its a very small and immediate family circle unlike my last job where I worked in an office of 200+ people. In school you have access to hundreds and hundreds of people that you are bound to find at least one or two good friends.

I am a social person that doesn't mind being alone a lot of times and being able to be selfish with my time but more than ever before, I want to not be alone. I want to have someone to hang out with. I want to have someone to go shopping with. I want to be able to tell someone close secrets and feelings. And my question is, how do I find that? I don't live in a neighborhood or apartment complex with close proximity to people. I live on a 28 acre ranch. A bit more secluded that I am use to. I desperately wish to have some kind of serendipitous moment at the grocery store, or the bank, or at the gas station where I will bump into someone and instantly strike up a conversation and then blink my eyes and now we are besties. ha! I sound so pathetic  today. 

The idea of moving here didn't really scare me or make me nervous. I had a strange peace about the entire decision. And I still do when it comes to the big picture of our lives. But, I think I might have been a bit naive about how different moving is as a child and moving is as an adult. Very different. A lot more difficult.

The only place I can think of to meet new people is by going to a church. Luke and I would like to find a new church and community but the biggest hindrance right now is that we are getting into cheer season. Cheer season means working most weekends for about 6 months. Working weekends = no weekend church services. I guess if there is a will, there is a way.

Lastly, I heard this saying a couple weeks ago that I am trying to have constantly present in my thoughts, actions and feelings:

"Bloom where you are planted."

Not only is finding new friends and a sense of community part of accepting where we are and what our current circumstances offer us but its about being able to find the sunshine where it falls so that our new lives can grow. I can only expect God to give us so many opportunities to grow before I have to make the conscious effort to then seek out the sunlight on my own.

What we did on Monday...

I hope everyone had a great weekend! I worked a non cheer event on Sunday in Sacramento and Luke worked the first cheer event of the year on Sunday. He was up at 3 am and home at midnight! LONG DAY! I guess the busy season has officially begun! 

Monday was actually one of our days off so today, Tuesday, feels more like Monday to us. Yesterday we ran a bunch of errands. The bank, Costco (still so weird that you can buy hard alcohol in regular stores in CA), Lowe's, and a nursery. Not the baby kind, the plant kind. Here is a sneak peak of what we are working on out in the yard. More detailed post to come later!

Plants!! Our Nursery stop was very successful.

The left side of the house...the door is to the right of the window above. Please don't judge 1. the terrible picture quality 2. the dead trees (they will be removed) 3. anything else that isn't aesthetically pleasing about this picture.

The right side of the door/house. More plants to be removed. And we are going to build some shutters. Again, don't judge.

The only picture I have taken of where we are going to lay some grass for Sammie and a possibly place where Luke wants to add a garden. This is a picture taken through the blinds of our bedroom door. It is the left side of our house and you can kind of see that the yard starts to slope down on the right by that weird pole. It is like at least a 30 foot steep slope to a creek/river. Side note: that black cat is so scary! I walked over to the door the other day and it was just... sitting there. staring. a. black. cat. AH!

Well we will be out working in the yard today. It will take awhile. There is so much property and dead stuff that we could make it our full time job and spend THOUSANDS of dollars to fix up...but since we don't own the place, we will only do a fraction of stuff to just make it look nicer for the time being. Seriously though this property must have been amazing in its prime. There are so many areas around the yard that probably were stunning back in the day. Maybe I will take some property pictures this week and upload them so you can see what all the property had/has to possibly offer in the future.

And of course, I will take better pictures of the planting process and do an update later in the week! 

Our Adventure To Do List

Moving from the beautiful Pacific NW to the Central Valley of CA has been a bit of an adjustment. We went from lots of green, trees, and crisp air to a lot of wheat fields, cows, dust, and flat lands. Each has it own beauty but without a doubt its a change. I never thought I would get so familiar with the fresh scent of cow manure. :) One thing I absolutely love about the Central Valley is the pretty constant sunshine. Okay, well one more thing is the great location it puts us in for easy travel to all different great parts of California. Luke and I have made a little "Day Off To Do List" to help us navigate all the wonderful sites to see around us!  

Yosemite National Park 

The entrance is only an hour away from our house.

Monterey Bay

About a 2 hour drive away.

San Francisco

Between 1.5 and 2 hours away depending on traffic.

**Side note, we went this past week to explore before filming a speech for work. Conclusion: Meghan in a bad mood all day. Must redo!

Lake Tahoe

2 to 3 hour drive from our house.

Napa/Sonoma CA.

1.5 to 2 hours away! WINE!! :)

I think we have a pretty good list going! I do know that Luke wants to make it up to the mountains sometime this winter for boarding. There are a few possible mountains to go to but I'll let him decide. Most likely I'll be hanging out in a lodge. :)

I also wouldn't mind doing some good ol' California history things. Gold Rush towns. I think it'd be fun since I am a history junkie!

One of the nice things about our new job is that we will be traveling a lot on weekends all over California. I don't expect to see much of any of the cities we go to since we will mostly be only seeing the inside of convention centers but we should be seeing a good chunk of other main California cities by default! And, Las Vegas two times for some large events. Maybe I will get a night or two to explore the Strip some more? Who knows!

Let me know if there are any other places that we absolutely need to add to our list?? Thanks!!

Catch Up

I do not have any idea of where to begin with my blog since I haven't posted something in almost a whole year! A lot has changed so I will do a fast update and then slowly but surely start doing posts about the catch up and hopefully keep this thing more updated!

New Years Eve 2011 - Flew to Europe for a 10 day vacation. Zurich, Paris, Strasbourg and Munich. Amazing!

March 2012 - A fun long weekend in San Francisco celebrating Luke's birthday (belated) with one of our best friends, Curtis.

May - June 2012 - Another married couple lived with us for a month. The wife, Karyn, was pregnant. The baby arrived in August! Adorable!

June 2012 - Buchanan family road trip to the Price Ranch in the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Loads of sun, lake swims, and eating.

July 2012 - Celebrated 2 years of marriage!

September 2012 - Coordinated a wonderful friends wedding, we quit our jobs and moved to California! BIG MONTH!!

October 2012 - Trying to update this blog. :) And, survive the insane heat here in Modesto, CA. It finally cooled down this week though!

Hope all is well!!

Xoxo

Meghan